Coming along

I can't believe how great I am feeling. Everyday I am feeling better than the day before and the more I do on my own the stronger I am getting. It's getting so much easier to stand up properly, without hunching, and the gas pains have pretty much subsided which is nice, but it still hurts a bit to burp. My belly is still swollen, but not nearly as bad as it was so I am starting to feel like I am looking at myself in the mirror again. I can walk a bit better now, but too much causes burning in my main incision, and it's not too pleasant, however afterwards I feel really good, not so stiff. My 5 little incisions don't really bother me at all except that they are itching and I wish these steristrips would fall off already. Dad is doing great too, he is walking well and feeling good. I am still waiting to hear on my short term benefits but am trying to stay positive and am praying it all works out.
Just a short post this time to update on my progress, but all is well and I am feeling really positive about the coming days and weeks. I will love it when I can sleep on my side again:)

Great to be home again!

Today is the first day I have had the energy to get back to my blog, but I have much to say! Dad and I went in to the hospital on November 21 as instructed by our coordinators. Sadly, the night before we were admitted to the hospital, a dear, dear family member passed away. I wondered how I could put my family through the worry of this operation, when they were trying to deal with such a great loss. I confided in my husband and he assured me everyone would still want me to go ahead with the operation and I knew he was right. So, the next morning we got ready and headed in to get the admission process started. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I sat in the waiting room while they were readying a bed for me, I was excited, nervous, anxious, sad and happy. I wrote in my journal and thought of my family and friends and how they were feeling at that moment. It was an emotional time for all of us and it was scary as well. After waiting 4 hours for a bed, I finally got settled in and put some of my things around the room. I ate supper, said goodnight to my family and prepared to head into surgery the next morning, bright and early. On Wednesday, November 22 (our scheduled surgery date) after waiting several hours for them to come and take me away, they informed me that they had found antibodies in my blood. Before they do any major surgery they need to be sure to have blood on hand for you in case you need a transfusion, this almost never happens, but they need to be prepared just in case. Because my blood had antibodies they would have to treat blood prior to my surgery to be sure that if I needed it, I would not have reaction to it. As such, the surgery would not take place until the next morning. Needless to say this was upsetting, but we knew that things would still go ahead, they would just be delayed and so we anxiously awaited yet another day for the surgery to be performed. Unfortunately during that time they had to move me from my very nice, quiet, comfortable private room, with my own washroom, sink and chairs, to a crowded ward with little room and women who shouted things all night long. For me this was very upsetting, it was already an emotional time, but I had just gotten settled into this room and felt very comfortable with the privacy, and now I was being thrown into a chaotic ward with no little space to call my own, and no privacy or quiet to collect my thoughts, and on top of everything I was trying to find a way to deal with the death of our loved one the night before. I was very unhappy with the change and began to cry. I called my husband and he comforted me, but after I hung up with him I quietly made my way to a dark empty waiting room and cried for some time alone. When I was able to stop crying, I returned to my room and tried to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. I got little sleep that night and paced the halls for two hours the next morning until my family arrived. The nurse arrived promptly to take me away and there were some tears from me as I kissed my loved ones and headed off into surgery. My husband followed me and stayed with me as long as he could and then it was time. They put the IV into my arm and sometime after 7:30 a.m. on November 23rd, I gave my father my left kidney. I woke up in recovery moaning with pain and the nurses rushed over and pumped me with drugs. Shortly after that I woke again and the process was repeated. They then wheeled me back down to my ward and were not very careful with the bumps and it was excruciating. The rest of the day was a blur for me I was very in and out of it. I remember my family being there and I remember talking to them but I don't remember much about what I said. I remember falling asleep that night shortly after everyone left and waking up in the night to shouting. I got very little sleep that night, due to the shouting and constant paging for nurses by the other patients. That morning the nurses had me sit up and move to a chair for my breakfast, this was very painful and nauseating. I tried to fight them on it but they insisted I had to get up, and I am thankful they did or I fear I may still be laying on that bed!! That was my biggest hurdle and after that things got better and better. Each time I got up was easier and I felt better and it wasn't long before I was able to get in and out of bed on my own and make it to the washroom on my own. I began walking to my father's room to visit him and shortly after that, on Saturday November 25th, I got to go home. Dad will be coming home tomorrow and he is doing great. We both are. I am still stiff and sore, but I feel really good, and each day is better than the one before. I know there is some negativity in this post, but rest assured it is all in reference to the way I was treated regarding my room, and pain, and not the way I feel about donating my kidney. With any surgery there is pain and for that you must be prepared. This was my first major surgery and I really didn't know what to expect as far as pain. With the room, they needed the bed for a man who came in and all the men's wards were full, the only available bed was in a woman's ward and so I had to be moved to make room. I understand that it was necessary but at the time it was very difficult for me to handle. Having said that, I would do it again in a second I assure you. Most of the nurses were incredible, some were not and that is unfortunate but it happens. The experience overall was amazing and seeing dad doing so well is wonderful. The kidney began working right away, his creatnine is dropping steadily and soon he will have his life back. I am feeling better each day and today actually walked to the mail box. A walk that normally takes me 3 minutes there and back, took me about 20 today but it was great to get outside. It feels amazing to be home again and I find that with the comfort of being home comes more and more progress each day. I can feel myself coming along and that is a great feeling. I would encourage anyone thinking of donating an organ to do it! The best advice, be informed and do your best to be prepared for everything, knowing that will make the experience all the better. I am happy with how everything went and looking back I know that I would do it all again without a second thought. God Bless, and I will keep posting mine and dad's progress. :)

2 Days to go.....

Tomorrow I will be heading in to the hospital for 1:00 and then my surgery takes place at 7:30 a.m. next morning. This will be my last entry until Post Op so I thought I would take a few minutes to express my thoughts and feelings on my last day at home before surgery. First of all let me say that I feel a bit stressed out about my short term benefits and getting that all sorted out, especially since the forms can't be signed until the day of surgery and they are saying 4-6 weeks but will not say 4 or 6 weeks which makes it hard to plan for. I can't tell you how frustrating that is I wish they would just say 6 weeks, then if I am ready in four I can always go back early but if they say 4 and I need 6 I have to resubmit everything which makes me want to rip out my hair. Having said that, everything else is good. I am not nervous today I am calm and excited all at once, I am happy that the time has arrived and that it will be all over soon. I know lots of people are thinking of us and that makes me feel good but I hope they are not too worried because I hate being the cause of people's worry. I know that it will be hard to leave my husband tomorrow, that will be the hardest part of everything, but knowing he will be back in the morning bright and early makes me feel better. This has been an amazing journey for me so far and I have met so many incredible people along the way. The other living donors on the message boards continue to amaze me with their kindness and concern for each other. We all have a common bond and it's so helpful being able to share that with one another. Our fears, our questions, hopes and concerns. It's a great comfort and it really has been a lifeline for me. Anyone thinking of donating or who has decided to donate should definitely utilize these resources because it really does make all the difference, and I know even when it's over I will continue to keep in touch and log on to the message boards, it's been just wonderful. There really has been so much on my mind with the short term and the surgery, I feel like I need to sit back take a deep breath and just let things happen as they will. There are things we can't do anything about and it makes life so much easier when we realize that and we just let things happen as they may. That's what I am going to do with my short term stuff, just let things run their course and deal with it as it comes. Even just saying that makes me feel better. One thing at a time I guess. I slept quite well last night, much better than the two previous, it's strange how your mind works, I was quite nervous the past two nights but then last night and today I feel really good, it's such a range of emotions and for anyone who is going through this, yes the tears are normal! They will come at strange times and you won't understand it but it is normal and it may happen several times before the big day. It is definitely an emotional time, because you are happy that you are helping to change someones life, nervous about both of your outcomes and sad to be losing a little part of yourself that has been with you for so long. There's no way to pinpoint just one emotion to describe how you feel through this process, it is definitely a mix. I do however, feel strong and confident and I know that God will be with us and guiding us through this operation. It is all in his hands now, we have done all we can and now we just have to have faith that everything will work out.
So, I will say farewell for now as I will not be able to post for several days, but I will be posting as soon as I can. It's a little bit hard to say goodbye even though it is only for a few days, because this blog and the message boards have been such a source of strength for me. But it is in looking forward that I say farewell for now, and I will be back posting in no time :) Thanks to anyone and everyone who has read my blog and I hope it will be helpful to anyone else who is thinking of, or is already going through this process.

Until next time :)

4 Days and counting........

I didn't sleep much last night, anxiety won me over and I ended up getting up and going upstairs very early so as not to wake my husband. I am getting nervous about this surgery and I can't help it. So many different thoughts are filling my head but even amongst all the anxiety, I am still excited for it. I know my father is nervous and that makes me feel like I need to be strong for both of us. I did start packing my hospital bag yesterday, perhaps that is what began these feelings. I have no doubts about what I am doing but it is after all major surgery and I know that there are no guarantees. But I am going to remain positive, read some of my book on preparing for surgery and listen to my mp3. I know that staying positive helps me to stay calm and right now its very early in the morning and I am not really thinking straight. I do have faith in God that everything will work out the way it is meant to and that is a comfort knowing he is there and he is watching over us. After all, God has led me down this path, it is his will that I help my father and I am blessed that I am able to help him. God will take care of us. I can't believe it's only 4 days away. It seems like yesterday they told me the surgery date and now here we are 4 days and counting to my dad having a better life. I will continue my prayers for I know God is listening and I will continue to lean on my faith for comfort. God hears our prayers and he understands. I will go do some reading now and I know that will help me to relax. 4 Days to go !!!

6 Days to go

Today was my last day of work before the surgery and leaving was much harder than I anticipated. I started to cry, shortly before leaving and continued to cry all the way home and for sometime after that. It was surprising to me but given the roller coaster you go through in this process, it's quite a normal thing to happen. Yesterday marked 1 week until my surgery, today there are 6 days to go. I spoke with the transplant coordinator yesterday and found out I don't have to be "cleaned out" the night before, like so many other people have told me they have to be. I guess the procedures are different at each different hospital, but I am happy about it for sure! I am still feeling great about everything, no worries as of right now. I can't believe that there are only 6 days to go, the time has gone by so fast and this time next week it will all be over and we will be recovering, that's an amazing feeling. I just know that my kidney will kick right into gear for my dad and there will be no complications. I have faith in that. I always knew I would be the one to donate my kidney to him and all through this process things have just fallen into place. When something is meant to be, the rest just takes care of itself. I know that my dad is getting anxious and nervous, he worries that his past and current health problems with complicate things, heart disease and diabetes. But I told him, the cardiologist was confident and said his heart is strong and if he can make it through a quadruple bypass without his diabetes complicating anything, then he can do this too! I know he is going to be fine, as will I. We both have a lot of people in our corner and that makes all the difference. Having the love and support of your family and friends gives you the strength and emotional blanket you need to get through this thing, both of you. All of our family and friends are rooting for us and praying for us and that's all we need (and excellent surgeons of course :) But I know with all that love and with God's love, we are good. I have yet to pack my bag, I keep putting it off as there always seems like there is something else to be done first and that can wait another couple of days, but I really will need to get it done this weekend. No excuses. The message boards continue to provide a constant source of comfort and knowledge. There is no better resource than someone who is going through, or who has gone through what you are going through. For anyone who is reading this and is going to be or thinking of becoming a potential donor, the two best sites for chatting I have found are http://www.livingdonorsonline.org/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi (be sure to sign up and become a member) and http://www.kidney.org/fusetalk/forum/index.cfm?forumid=6 There are also some great stories you can read about other people's experiences at http://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingDonors/shareStories.cfm and http://www.livingdonorsonline.org/experiences/experiences.htm I have found all of these to be invaluable in providing me with information and support. The other piece of advice I have is never to be afraid to ask your Transplant Coordinator anything. No matter how silly it seems, that is why they are there and if it will put your mind at ease, it is worth it. My transplant coordinator even said to me that I have some of the strangest questions she has ever heard, but she still answers them. The better informed you are, the better off you are. I have learned that throughout this process. Well, 6 days and counting, bring it on! Just an add on, I had my meeting today with the HR group regarding my short term and things seem to have went okay. I have a bunch of forms for my surgeon to fill out and then I have to fax them back but I think things will work out great!

8 Days to go....

Well, there are 8 days left until my surgery and only 3 work days left. I have done much thinking over the past while and a few things continue to weigh on my mind. The concern is, while my place of employment has been very cooperative, I do not meet with the HR group until Thursday to get my Short Term process started, thursday is only 6 days away from my surgery and I feel very rushed with that but they insist it is plenty of time, I have my doubts. I am worried that my paperwork won't kick in in time and I won't have enough money for Christmas, if that is the case I will have to lean on some family memebers, which I would rather not do, but we'll have to see how things go. Other than that I am feeling really good. I am calm and relaxed about the surgery. I am getting things organized, I have made a list of phone numbers and tonight I will begin packing my bag for the hospital. I continue to write in my journal and would encourage anyone going through this to do the same. God has been good by blessing me with a kidney that I can give to my father and I am very grateful for that. My friends and co workers have been so supportive and I feel like I have a great support system to help me through this.

Today is remembrance day

I have spent much of the day in thought of our veterans. Strange also that it is the 11th day of the 11th month and I have 11 days until my surgery. I just found out my sister-in-law will be coming to the hospital on the day of the surgery which means a lot. I am glad my husband will have that support. His parents are in another province so it is very comforting to know his sister will be there to be by his side when I can not. I have been reading the book I mentioned on preparing for surgery and it has been very helpful. I have some relaxing music I listen to whenever I am starting to feel anxious and as the book recommends, I take that time to think back to a happy moment in my life, my honeymoon actually. My husband and I on the beach walking and watching the sand pipers. Even though our dogs were not there, I sometimes picture them there with us. It's very calming and I know it will be helpful througout this process. I am learning to turn my anxiety into calming thoughts and images and it is very theraputic. Everyone is so nervous and they all keep asking me if I am nervous but I am doing okay. On monday it will be just 9 days away, the single digits means we are getting very close. Now that the tests are over, it's just the waiting which is difficult because you can create a lot of stress for yourself in that time. But as I said my book is helping a lot with that and I have faith that everything will be fine. My sister in law was kind enough to lend me many pairs of loose fitting sweat pants since I don't own a single one and it is highly recommended you have loose fitting comfortable pants to wear for after the surgery. I have to pack my bag soon and knowing that, I know just how close the surgery is getting. It will be here before I know it and soon it will be finished and we will be healing and hopefully my dad can get back to something of a normal life. If I can give him just that bit of happiness, that his life might feel normal again, that would make it all worthwhile just for him to have that once again. It seems like it's been so long since he's had something close to normal, so long.

I guess I should start from the beginning.

My name is Amanda, and I am 26. Over the past year and a half, to two years my father has had two heart attacks, an emergency quadruple bypass surgery (which they didn't think he would make it through) and kidney failure. His first heart attack was the worst. He went into the hospital at about 6 a.m. and we waited all day to hear something solid. Minutes felt like hours, and hours like days. The tears were constant. My step mother went to them to find out what was going on and they gave us the heartbreaking news, they said that he had two options, he could be medicated to alleviate his pain, and most likely wouldn't leave the hospital and would pass away, or they could go in and do a quadruple bypass surgery but that he probably wouldn't make it through and that the dye test they would have to conduct could destroy his already frail kidneys. The choice was his, and thank God he chose to do the surgery. He was scared he would never see us again, and we were afraid of the same. 4 or 5 unbelievably long hours later the surgeon came into the waiting room, we were all on edge and more terrifed than I could ever begin to try and explain. The surgeon had good news, he came out of the surgery much better than they had expected, we were all so relieved and happy, but of course he wasn't out of the woods yet, it would be a long road to recovery, he said. So then we waited for him to wake. We visited him constantly, I sang to him as he lay there covered in tubes and pumped full of morphine, everyday praying God would see him through this. The doctors kept saying, cross each bridge as you get there. Each time they could unhook one of his machines was a triumph, but two of the biggest hurdles were the day they woke him up, he could finally see us now, and then the day they removed his breathing tube, finally he could speak to us. It was a very difficult time, but we all came through it and when he was finally able to come home, we started to move on with our lives. Then shortly after that he had another heart attack caused by a blood clot. It was a complete fluke they said, nothing he had done had caused it, it just happened. This was not even close to as bad as the last one, but the day after they sent him home, he became weak and began vomitting and couldn't even get to the bathroom on his own, shortly after this we knew his kidneys were going. Up until this point they hadn't been in great shape, he had some swelling, but the kidneys had been holding their own, now he was headed for dialysis. He has diabetes, which is mostly to blame for his kidney problems. Watching someone you love get wheeled away in a bed and not knowing if you will ever see them again is the most terrifying thing I have ever gone through and it really opens your eyes. When I found out my father was going on dialysis I volunteered my kidney. At first he refused, but after talking with his specialists, he agreed to let me get tested. My stepmother got tested also but was not a match, several of his siblings offered, but they all had various health problems that would keep them from ever even being tested. I had done much research on the subject and felt I was fully prepared for what was to come. After getting the initial blood test and finding out I was a match (YAY!) I then began a series of tests, which I must say were not as difficult as I had imagined. I had, of course, the wonderful 48 hour urine test which we all love so much (for those of you unfamiliar with this, you have to collect your urine in two large jugs over a 48 hour period) , and more blood tests than I can remember, the psychological tests, endocronologist, cardiograms, x-rays, the first of two renal scans where a harmless dye was injected and the most nervewracking test for me which was the final renal scan where they inject a rarely, but possibly fatal dye which scared the buggers out of me, but went fine. I have summed all of that up pretty quickly, but in reality it took about a year to get through all that testing and each time waiting for the results was brutal! Anyway, after a long long process, we finally had the final word. We were good to go! Much to our suprise, the final test was shortly after my wedding in August and the surgery was booked for November 23, 2006. Well, I was aprehensive about having this done before the holidays, but knowing how much my father needed it meant everything so it was scheduled.
I have been counting down the days since we found out "the date" today is November 10 we have 12 days until the surgery. I have been keeping a journal for me to write in which I have found very helpful and today I am going to get the "Prepare for surgery, heal faster" book that was recommended to me by some other donors. I am nervous, but more excited than anything. I can' t wait for Dad to be able to have a life that doesn't include 3 days a week of dialysis. He has had his hospital bag packed for about a month now. I have been excercising (running) everyday to keep in shape and increase my chances for a speedy recovery and I am pretty positive about the whole thing. I just hope neither of us gets sick before the surgery and it has to be delayed. With arranging short term, and all of that, not to mention how badly my father needs this, I would hate to have to have it rescheduled. I have so much support from all my friends, and family and truly do not know how I would do this without each and every one of them by my side. My husband is wonderful and has stood by me through this and his parents have been amazing as well. I feel almost like I have a scratchy throat but am not sure if that is my paranoia, or something else. So I have been taking vitamin c to help ward off any sickness, and keep praying that I will be okay to do this.
As I said I just got married in August to my soul mate. He is my life, and I am so blessed to have found him. He is so loving and supportive, and he makes me laugh, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Our wedding was something I will always treasure and I will never forget how it felt to stand up in front of the people we love and in front of God and pledge our love and life together. He gives me strength and love and I would have nothing without him. My father walked me down the ailse and gave me away, and danced with me at my reception. Life has been good to me and I just hope that this gift I am giving my dad will give him the kind of life he dreams of.
I had my birthday in October, just turned 26 and it was wonderful. My family and friends were wonderful to me. I am so happy that I have all of these wonderful thoughts and memories to take with me into this surgery and I know everything will turn out the way it was meant to. It's in God's hands now, and he will take care of us.
Picture at the top of the page is Me and Dad dancing at my wedding
Below - Me and my wonderful husband at our wedding and on our honeymoon



Well, I think thats all for now.