Final Post.

Well, it's been insanely long since I posted which makes me realize that it is time to close this chapter of my life, and so this will be the last post for this blog. While I have endless amounts to say in general, there is not much left to say about this journey with Dad. Things are still good for both of us - our kidneys our each doing great - and though life has presented some challenges, we have come through them stronger than ever. I am sad to say goodbye to this blog, but looking forward to entering a new chapter in life, perhaps I will start a new blog about becoming a vegetarian - one of the many changes that I have undertaken of late. This has been an incredible journey and promises to continue being more amazing every day. The most important things I hope you take from my story are these messages: Life gives us the opportunites to make the right choices, but it is up to us to make them. Be kind, love one another, give, and always remember that YOU have the power to change everything. Use it. Organ donation truly is the gift of life, give it with care and love and you will have the chance to watch miracles unfold.

God Bless all of you.

Goodbye.

~Amanda

:)

Okay, so it's REALLY been a while this time!! But that's a good thing, it means that that things are going well and there really isn't much news. Dad is doing well, and I'm doing well, everything is going good. I mentioned on one of my last postings that I would be leaving my job, and I did. I'm almost finished school now and will be starting a new job in a few weeks that I am so excited about. A new start :)

I hope that this message finds all of you well and that your life is filled with happiness and joy. I know that in the midst of needing, or loving someone who is needing an organ transplant, times can be uncertain and terrifying. Hold on to the knowledge that you are not alone, talk to those who have been through or are going through the same thing you are, people who understand. Never be afraid to be honest about your feelings. It's an emotional experience and getting through it is much easier when you have support.

God bless, and may happiness, love, and joy fill your days and your hearts :)

xoxoxoxo

It's been a while

Merry Christmas!!
It's been a while since my last post, so I thought I'd stop in and update you! Things are going well with Dad and me so there is no news there, and that is a very good thing! Overall 2008 wasn't the year I had hoped for, and to be honest I'm glad it's soon over. There have been good things that have happened this year, but overall it's been a year of sadness and loss. Too much loss. So I'm looking ahead and looking forward to 2009, hopefully it will be a better year than 2008. I hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Best wishes for the holiday season, take care, and don't drink and drive.

All the best for the year to come!!!!! Here's to hope for a wonderful 2009!!

Dad's Creatnine

Good morning all,

Just wanted to pop in and say Dad just got his regular blood work done and his creatnine the lowest it's been yet!! It was perfect and we were happy to hear such wonderful news. His doctor's had told him to drink more water and that has brought it down even more than it was before, they said it's important to drink lots everyday. Just wanted to share the good news :)

A new year, a new start

Happy New Year everyone!! This is my first post of 2008 and so far the year has held some great promise. My husband and I have decided to make some very big changes this year, one being to pay off existing debts which we have already started to do. It's going to be tough but worth it to be free of the stress. And the other is an employment change for me. I've been working at this same job for so long, hating it, hating going to work everyday because I hate my job so much. So, once our debts are paid, our goal is in the next few months, I am going to make a really big and important change. I've been waiting for this for a long time and we are finally in a position where I will be able to make that change. When I think about it, I feel free. I feel like I am finally going to be free. No longer to be trapped in this job that makes me so unhappy. Soon I won't have to do it anymore, and that will be an incredible day. Don't get me wrong, there are things about my job that are good, the benefits and the paid vacation are great. But it doesn't make up for how much I hate the actual job. It's time for me to say goodbye to that stress in my life, and move on to better things. I can't wait for the time to come!! I feel like 2008 is going to be a year of many wonderful changes for us. I feel so grateful for the opportunity to make this change.

God Bless,

It's Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!!



I hope your holiday season is filled with Magic and Love!!!

Bloodwork

Well I was at the doctor's today, and she said that my bloodwork came back perfect!! I thought that it would come back good, but it's always a relief to hear it. Tomorrow is my first day of vacation, and I can't think of a better way to start my vacation than getting good news from the doctor. Dad and I can both relax and enjoy the holidays. December is always such a hectic month, people are out shopping, driving, the malls and streets are jam packed with holiday shoppers and travelers. I love to take some time and just relax and take it all in. I hope that all of you out there have a wonderful holiday season, God Bless!!!!

1 Year Post Op

Well this Friday is officially 1 year since my left kidney became my father's right. I am so blessed to have been able to give him that gift and so happy when I see him enjoying life everyday. We are going out for dinner together to celebrate, it's truly an incredible time in our lives. Tonight is my doctors appointment for my 1 year check up, lets pray that I hear nothing, that's how they do it, no news is good news. I'll get my requisition for blood work and I'll get that taken tomorrow so lets hope all is well, and I don't hear from the doctor, I feel great so I have every reason to believe that it will all come back great. God Bless everyone during this wonderful Holiday Season, I will talk to you soon :)

As the one year anniversary of mine and my father's surgery draws closer, I find myself worrying about what my tests results will show. There's no real reason for me to believe they will be negative, but I think that worry is always there somewhere in the back of my mind. I am trying to take good care of myself, eating the right things and excercising. Although recently my schedule has been erratic so my excercise regime has taken a back seat. I know, I know smarten up go for your walks every day, and I do try, but there are days when I am so exhausted from work, and also from fixing up our home, that I just can't do it. I am excited about halloween, it is one of my favorite seasons. Seeing all the little children hobbling up my stairs to get that handful of candy, that bag of chips, or, my favorite treat to give out, a mini sip. It is expensive for us though, we get hundreds of children at our home and so we have to be very prepared, oh yes I always end up with extra left over because I'm overly prepared, but then we get to snack on whatever is left over so it's a treat for us. Dressing up as something your not, that's pretty exciting. I've always been fairly shy, but on halloween, when I could be someone or something else, I didn't have to be shy. I think that's why it was so fun for me. And now that I'm older, I find joy in watching other children experience that feeling of excitement. So my first Halloween after the surgery, coupled with the nervousness of my upcoming checkup, it's quite a time. But I'm sure everything will turn out well, I'll keep you posted!!

No news is good news

Well the summer season has come and passed. We are headed into fall and I couldn't be happier. Fall is my favorite time of year, I love the colors, the smells, the weather. I'm excited for Halloween, it is one of my favorite holidays. September is winding down, and October is just around the corner, which means November isn't far away either and that will mark the 1 year anniversary of our surgery. It's hard to believe that it's been that long, sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like some hazy dream. There really isn't too much to say which is a good sign, we all hope for no news because that means that things are going well. I'm very happy about the fall season and hope that everyone out there has an incredible fall and winter. Enjoy Halloween, have fun and dress up as something completely different from who you are, you'll be amazed at how it makes you feel!!

Have a great one all!!

Feeling good

Well we've passed the 6 month mark! I went and had some bloodwork done to see how everything is going, and was told I would be contacted if there were any concerns. I haven't heard anything so I'm hoping that's a good sign :) Things are going well, I feel good and dad feels good. We are enjoying the summer trying to remember to keep drinking LOTS of water, especially in this heat! I started a Support Kidney Donation cause post on my facebook and already have 182 members! Most of them have had a personal experience with kidney donation, and have either donated or gotten a kidney. It's amazing to realize just how many people kidney disease affects. It's incredible to read the stories and learn of other people's experiences. And even more incredible to see how many people come together to support one cause. The purpose of the post is to spread the word about organ donation, open eyes and hearts to the possibilites of donating and hopefully make people think about it. I love that we are doing our little part to get the word out there and I hope lots of people hear it. I do what I can to try to educate people about it, and even have a shirt that was kindly given to me by one of the livingdonorsonline members. It's great, it lists the top 10 reasons to become a donor, and I wear it with pride!! I hope everyone is doing great, wether it's summer where you are, or you are somewhere that's always sunny, I hope you all are happy and well and enjoying life.

Get out there!!

Hello all,
It's been a month since my last post and I am happy to say I have taken up jogging again. It feels great to get out there again, it's an awesome feeling. I've only just started again, so it will take me a while to get back where I was, but I will be pushing hard to get there! The great thing about jogging is that it has so many benefits! First and foremost it keeps you physcially healthy, but it's also great for your mental health it helps work off any stress, it gets you outside enjoying nature and life, and it just feels good!!! And of course if we lose weight well that's just an extra bonus, we all love that part right? Anyway things are good, I have been pushing Dad to keep up with using his sunscreen as his anti-rejection meds increase his risk of skin cancer. He is a stubborn man but he's doing it, reluctantly, but doing it which is the main thing. As I said in my last post I hope everyone will get out there and do something they've wanted to do but haven't got around to, life waits for no one so jump in!!! Do the things that you dream about, and think about but never take action on, it's worth it!!!! I am doing that a lot these days and it's incredible. Also get out there and do the things you love, take the day off work and go the beach, (don't get yourself in trouble though) go to the park, go for a run!!! Do something great and feel great, Carpe Diem!!!!!!

6 months

It's coming up on 6 months since the surgery. It's certainly a time for reflection and awe. I can't believe it's been this long, it seems like yesterday to me still. Time passes quickly, and it makes me realize more and more how important it is to hold on to every precious moment. As I sit here thinking back over the past 6 months I wonder how many other people have donated to someone in that time, how many lives have been saved over the past 6 months by someone giving a part of themselves to another human being, so that they may have their life back. My father just had his 60th birthday at the beginning of the month, and it seems incredible to me that we are celebrating his 60th birthday, when not long ago his life was hanging by a thread, not just because his kidneys were failing, but before that because his heart was too. I thank God for the blessing of being able to celebrate my father's birthday, and I know it is very special to him as well. I have seen some sad stories, and some happy stories over the past few weeks from fellow donors. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has, is or will be donating. It is a very emotional time and there are so many things happening all at once. There is a lot leading up to the big day, and then all of a sudden it's done, and you can't believe it's all over. It's an experience that changes you, makes you appreciate life more. I hope that each of you has the opportunity to make someone else's life better, and that you find the kind of joy and happiness that only giving to someone else can bring you. I recently took up roller blading, and today will be my third time out. It is something I have always wanted to try, and now I am. It is definitely a challenge, but one I know will be worth the effort. I have learned to stop putting things off, and just do the things I have always thought about doing, but never got around to. I have to say that I have found my roller blading experience so far to be pretty difficult, but am confident that in no time I will be flying around like a pro. I encourage everyone to do something they've been thinking about for a long time, just take hold of that thought and put it into action. Stop putting it off and allow yourself to experience the joy of life. Have fun!!! God Bless.

Steady On

Things seem to be going very well. Dad's numbers are all coming back great and he is feeling good. They had to do some fine tuning on his medications, but things are looking good. There is so much happening all around me though, that I think I am walking around in a fuzz all the time. Fortunately the family member who was sick is doing much better, not cured, but hopefully on the way, however unfortunately a friend is now sick and my prayers are with her through everything she is going through. In the midst of all of this, everything that has happened with dad, and me and my family and friends, I have learned how blessed we are for what we have, and the time we have on this earth. I see things so much differently now and my perspective on everything has changed. I get so excited about the little things now, I can't even really call them little things because they are not little to me anymore. A night at home with my husband watching tv curled up together on the couch, a dinner out with my mom, an evening with my dad, everything is so precious to me now because I have seen how fragile life can be and how quickly it can be stolen, or given back. I try to work hard and be a good person, I ask God for the strength to do the right things and I hope that I make the right choices. I have learned that there will always be obstacles in life but how you approach them and how you handle them is what matters, I have learned that there is nothing more amazing than giving someone back their life and wish that I could do it again and again, I have learned that even when you are kind there are people who will shoot you down and make you out to be cruel but that's okay because they are hurting inside for reasons we don't know, I have learned that family consists of more than just your bloodline, I have learned that when it hurts you should accept the offer of the shoulders you will need so badly to cry on and you should never be ashamed to let your tears fall, I have learned that a good book can help you escape somewhere else for a little while when you need to, and most importantly I have learned that when you need them the people who love you will be there no matter what. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me and I hope that I can be there for you in the same way whenever you need it. Someone told me recently that I was their new hero, and that touched my heart in a way they will never know. My biggest hope is that everyone who wants to give to someone in need, can and that they know the joy of watching someone they love, live again. I don't feel like a hero, just a girl who loves her dad, and that's all.

A setback

Today was a difficult day for all of us. For the past few days Dad has felt like he had a cold, however we found out today it is actually an episode of rejection. He had some blood work done this morning and they called him to tell him his creatnine levels were way up and he had to come into the hospital. They then admitted him and did an ultrasound and will soon be giving him anti rejection steroids to hopefully take care of the problem. The doctor sounds confident that things will be okay, and everything I have read states that rejection is common in the first 90 days and is usually dealt with easily, which is encouraging. I have also gotten some VERY VERY helpful and reassuring posts from the living donors message board telling me about their recipients experience with rejection and how everything turned out okay. So, all in all the news seems positive, but all we can do for now is wait and see. I am praying constantly that everything is okay, and I will post again when I have more news.

I spoke with Dad and they have started him on his pills, 500 mg of prednisone in intervals, tonight, then tomorrow and so on. Hopefully these pills will take care of everything!!

Well, dad's numbers have come down down down so things are looking really good. He's got a biopsy to do today, he did is renal scan yesterday and hopefully all the results will be good. But it looks like it will be and we are staying positive, with any luck he will be home today or tomorrow!!

Well, Dad was in the hospital a bit longer than we had thought, but he is home now and feeling good! All his numbers are back to normal and things are looking great.

Strength

A family member is going through some health issues, and although it is not my father and is completely unrelated to the kidney donation, I just needed to express my feelings here. I will not get into the details as to respect the privacy of the family. You know it's times like these when you almost think that you've got nothing left, that you realize how strong you truly can be. Sometimes I fall apart, but God has taught me to be a fighter, I will not give up on him, myself or on anyone else. True faith has gotten me through many difficult times and I believe it is the only thing that brings us through the rain. I pray for those who have lost their faith or who have not found it yet. It's never easy facing times such as this but God gives us the strength to make it through as long as we believe. I never got confirmed, nonetheless I have always had a strong faith and I have been very much contemplating going to get confirmed. I will speak with my minister about it. I feel like a part of me is missing because of it. I also think I am going to check into volunteering at the kidney section of my hospital where my surgery was done. They have given so much to Dad and I, I feel like I should give something back.

Life after donation.

Well, here are my incisions 7 weeks after donation. It's hard to believe it's actually been 7 weeks but it has! In the first picture you can see the full shot of all the incisions, Picture 2 is just the instrument incisions and Picture 3 is of course the removal incision, which is the biggest one. It's very interesting as I look back on my previous pictures and I can see how much they have changed in the past 7 weeks, and I am sure they will keep changing and as they do I will post them so that anyone who is donating in the future can see what they will look like, or at least the basic idea since everyone's tend to be a bit different. I know they will never go away and that's okay because I wear them proudly as a symbol of what Dad and I went through together. They will always remind me of the experience that was so full of love and emotion that we shared. Although, I don't need to be reminded of how much this meant to my father, I see it everyday in they way he lives now, but every time I look at my incisions I remember how it was for me. I will wear them for life, and no matter what happens I will always be able to look at them and say that I gave a life to someone who was losing theirs. I am proud of them and to be honest I wouldn't want them to disappear, they are a part of who I am now. Life after donation has been not all that different from life before, except that I am healthier in my choices. I eat better and I drink more water because doing both of these things just makes me feel better. I was always a supporter of organ donation, but of course now I feel much stronger about it because I know so much more about it and I have seen first hand what it can do for someone else. I have a wonderful organ donation magnet displayed on my car, and two organ donation pins worn on my jacket and anytime anyone asks about them I am more than happy to elaborate. I also have a t-shirt with 10 reasons to donate which I wear in the hopes that it may encourage someone else to think about organ donation, whether it be living donation or not, any organ donation is a wonderful thing to do. Just imagine saving someone's life by giving them a piece of yourself. It's amazing. I was speaking with my father today and he was telling me that he remembers when I was a little girl, 2 or 3 years old, and we were outside in our driveway in the winter, I was wearing a snowsuit and I was so cold that I was clutching my arms around his neck and holding on so tight he could hardly breathe. He said it seems like so long ago. Life is precious, he gave me mine, and now I've given him back his. I hope we all remember just how precious life is, don't take it for granted and never forget that God put us all here for a reason, mine was to save my father, what will yours be? Give life, and you will have truly lived. I thank God for allowing me to do this and I pray that I can help someone else in their journey. This blog has been a wonderful outlet for me to convey my thoughts and feelings on organ donation, I encourage you all to leave your comments and I will always read them and respond. You may have noticed my posts getting farther apart, this will probably happen more and more as time goes on and life goes on and my experience with living donation becomes more distant. It's kind of a catch 22, things went so well and are going so well that there is little left to write about now and that is a great thing, however I am sad that I have less to write and I wish that there was more to say, but God has blessed us and so the experience my father and I have had has been told and there is not too much more to say. I will still keep writing and keep you posted on our progress, however my posts will be less frequent, but keep checking because I will keep posting! Thank you to everyone who has followed us on our journey, it is not over, it will never end, it has just become less eventful and that is truly a God send. It's all we can hope for, smooth uneventful sailing :) I feel like I have been touched by this experience and I hope it has touched you in some way. God bless.

Working again after donation

I went back to work on Wednesday January 3rd, and today is Saturday January 6 and I must say it went quite well. I was a bit sore after sitting all day (I sit for about 8 hours at my job) Sitting for so long is a bit uncomfortable but I am doing good. I am glad I started part way through the week so it made for a short first week back, that way I can sort of ease into it. I don't think I could have handled a full week right away like that, but I am confident next week will be great. Dad and I are both still doing wonderfully and my first day back at work EVERYONE was asking about us and wanted to see my scars, which I am happy to show. I finally have my appetite back which is good, and I am feeling like myself again. I haven't started exercising again yet, but I think I will try it out in the next few weeks. All of my incisions are looking great, they are pink and healing well. One of them looks kind of funny as it sort of goes inward and looks like a divot, I guess it must just be the way they stitched it. The batteries in my camera are in need of a re charging, but as soon as I get them charged I will take another set of pictures of my scars to show how they are healing and how they look without all the gummy adhesive surrounding them. All is well though and I am happy with our progress. I did have a couple of scary moments when I almost fell down the stairs, and then when one of the family dogs jumped up on my belly. Both times were quite painful but I made it through unscathed. I hope everyone's new year will be as wonderful as I plan on making mine. Here's to 2007, it's time for a new start. Let's toast to a year of good health, happiness and family. Here, here!!

Almost 5 weeks!

I am almost at the 5 week mark since my surgery and 1 week to go until I return to work. Although I do feel physically ready to go to work, I just don't wanna! I love being home with my family and dread going back to a job I don't like. Oh well, I guess there's not much I can do about it. We do have to pay bills. Christmas was great, I loved spending the time with my family. I feel really good, although I do have to say my eating habits over the holiday season have been less than okay, but, I will have to smarten up, I don't want to fall into a rut. My incsions are still a bit sore but looking good. The adhesive is now gone which is nice. I was under the impression that I had no stitches in my smaller incisions, however that is obviously incorrect since a stitch poked through one of my incisions. I found a little clear plastic stitch at one end of my incision that came out and went back in like a little loop sticking out. One end has become detached and it is just sort of sticking out now. So, in light of this I now realize that there must be stitches in all my incisions because that was definately what that was. I had some wine with Christmas dinner which was nice, it was the first time I drank anything since the surgery and I was a bit nervous about, but it was fine. My energy is great and I feel like I can do so much more now, in a much more normal capacity compared to only a couple of weeks ago. I am starting to feel like me again and it's a good feeling. I hope everyone's holiday was wonderful and that the new year brings much joy and happiness.

Yay for jeans!!

Yay! I can finally wear jeans again!! Wooo! My incisions are healing well, they are just looking pink now and I can see what the scars will look like. The adhesive from that blasted tape is still on most of them and it's driving me crazy! Two of my little incisions are adhesive free, and it seems to have come off my big one as well, but a few of my little ones are still sticky with it. I am slowly getting back to my normal size but am still a bit bloated. Today I put on make up for the first time since the surgery, and for the first time since the surgery I felt pretty again. I have felt so "patienty" (if that makes sense) since the surgery that along with my necessary sweat pants I would just wear big t-shirts and not do my hair or put on make up. And today I felt like putting some effort into myself again and that feels really good. Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since my surgery and I can't believe how far I've come since day 1. I feel almost normal again (almost) and I know soon I will be me again. In 2 weeks I will be back to work and I think when that happens, I will start to feel like my life is coming back again. Although I am not thrilled about going back to work, I know that I will feel more like myself once I do. Anyway, everything seems to be going very well and dad is doing great! Yay for jeans!!

Okay another quick post

Hey,

Just wanted to show the big incision without the steri strips, I finally got up the nerve this morning to peel them off, I couldn't stand them anymore! Here it is, and then all of them. My abdomen around my big incision is still puffed out a bit, I hope it goes back to normal soon. I have my appt with the surgeon today, so hopefully he'll be happy with everything.

Quick Post

Just wanted to post some pictures without those strips on there. I couldn't take it anymore so I pulled them off! All except for the big incision that is....anyway here they are, you'll notice I still have the left over adhesive which is tough to get rid of when you are sore and can't scrub at it. Oh, and there are actually only 5 incisions, I mistook a bruise for an incision.

2 Weeks Post Op

Yesterday marked exactly 2 weeks since surgery! Dad and I talked about it last night on the phone and how strange it seems that two weeks ago we were just beggining our recovery. Today, I got paid for my short term. YAY. I can pay my bills!! It's such a huge relief, for those of you who have read my previous posts, you know it was a worry for me. And I think I am allowed to drive now so I might try heading out today to finish Christmas shopping, or I might wait for my husband to come home. It depends on how brave I feel...... Another little exciting tidbit from my recovery, I can actually lay on both sides now when I am trying to sleep. I can lay on either side and that makes it so much more comfortable, although getting on to my side is quite a task, it does take a while. My sister in law was kind enough to drop off a frozen pizza for me yesterday which was good because not being able to go anywhere I was running out of food, and although people were asking me if I needed anything, I didn't want to put anyone out of their way so I said no. But my husband (who is away for work) called my sister in law and told her that I was running low on groceries, so she brought over something for me to eat. She tried to find out what else I needed but I would only accept the pizza. Stubborn I am, but I don't want to be a pain in the ass! My incisions have been itching a bit which I am told is a good thing, but it doesn't feel good. My appointment with my surgeon is only a few days away and I am anxious for him to have a look at my stomach and see what he says. I am hoping he will tell me I can pull off these steri-strips, they aren't physically bothering me, but having them there drives me crazy, I want to take them off! I don't like them. And I would like to take some pictures of the incisions without those strips on there.

Pictures

My 'big' incision where they removed the kidney

My small incisions

My small incisions

Here are a couple of pictures of my incisions, the steri strips are still on there so it's kind of hard to see but there are 6 small incisions total, two are covered with the same tape so it looks like I have 5, and 1 bigger incision where they removed the kidney. I say big, but really it's only a couple of inches. You can see I still have some bruising, but when I first came home it was very very purple. It's clearing up nicely now. You can see there is a small incision on my far left side (right side in photo) this one has kept me from laying on that side.

With the holiday season approaching I am realizing how different things are this year. Last year at this time my father was in a terrible state, and this year he can even eat some of his favorite foods! We put the tree and lights up this weekend and it's great seeing them up, it really brightens my spirits. I have an appointment with my surgeon on the 12th to look over my incisions, and then on the 13th I am flying to Ontario to see my in-laws. I am so excited! Unfortunately my husband was unable to get the time off of work to go, but he insisted I go ahead and spend some time with them, so I am. It's my first time flying and I am a bit nervous, but it's only a 2 hour flight so I will take some gravol and probably sleep. My in-laws are amazing, my sister in-law and brother in-law live close to me but my mother and father in-law moved to Ontario this past August. It was a big move for them and for all of us. They were always sort of the Trunk of the family tree, their house was where we had the dinners and holidays. So it's really strange not having them here, but I will be heading up there in a few days and then we are all driving back down together so that we can all spend Christmas together as a family. I am starting to feel like myself again, I can get up much more easily now and I can move around much better. I actually slept in my bed last night instead of on the couch and it was great! I've had to sleep on the couch because until now I couldn't sleep on either side of my body, only my back and the bed was too hard on my back, but now I can lay a bit on my right side, so I can sleep in my bed again, yay!! My father's creatnine continues to drop which is incredible news and his blood pressure is good as well. He is having a hard time getting used to the regular trips to the bathroom, but is happy about it. My husband has gone away for work for a couple of days so I am sad about that, but with me being on short term and not having received any money yet, we do have to be careful to keep money in the bank and so unfortunately he had to go. I am hoping to hear something about my short term soon, but nothing as of yet. I haven't needed any pain medication which is good and my back pain is slowly getting better. It felt good to be able to help decorate the tree, but I must admit, I was quite sore later that evening. I love the holidays and am happy they are upon us, I just hope I can find the time to get some Christmas cards done. With my husband working, and me not being allowed to drive it makes it hard to get anything done........

Coming along

I can't believe how great I am feeling. Everyday I am feeling better than the day before and the more I do on my own the stronger I am getting. It's getting so much easier to stand up properly, without hunching, and the gas pains have pretty much subsided which is nice, but it still hurts a bit to burp. My belly is still swollen, but not nearly as bad as it was so I am starting to feel like I am looking at myself in the mirror again. I can walk a bit better now, but too much causes burning in my main incision, and it's not too pleasant, however afterwards I feel really good, not so stiff. My 5 little incisions don't really bother me at all except that they are itching and I wish these steristrips would fall off already. Dad is doing great too, he is walking well and feeling good. I am still waiting to hear on my short term benefits but am trying to stay positive and am praying it all works out.
Just a short post this time to update on my progress, but all is well and I am feeling really positive about the coming days and weeks. I will love it when I can sleep on my side again:)

Great to be home again!

Today is the first day I have had the energy to get back to my blog, but I have much to say! Dad and I went in to the hospital on November 21 as instructed by our coordinators. Sadly, the night before we were admitted to the hospital, a dear, dear family member passed away. I wondered how I could put my family through the worry of this operation, when they were trying to deal with such a great loss. I confided in my husband and he assured me everyone would still want me to go ahead with the operation and I knew he was right. So, the next morning we got ready and headed in to get the admission process started. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I sat in the waiting room while they were readying a bed for me, I was excited, nervous, anxious, sad and happy. I wrote in my journal and thought of my family and friends and how they were feeling at that moment. It was an emotional time for all of us and it was scary as well. After waiting 4 hours for a bed, I finally got settled in and put some of my things around the room. I ate supper, said goodnight to my family and prepared to head into surgery the next morning, bright and early. On Wednesday, November 22 (our scheduled surgery date) after waiting several hours for them to come and take me away, they informed me that they had found antibodies in my blood. Before they do any major surgery they need to be sure to have blood on hand for you in case you need a transfusion, this almost never happens, but they need to be prepared just in case. Because my blood had antibodies they would have to treat blood prior to my surgery to be sure that if I needed it, I would not have reaction to it. As such, the surgery would not take place until the next morning. Needless to say this was upsetting, but we knew that things would still go ahead, they would just be delayed and so we anxiously awaited yet another day for the surgery to be performed. Unfortunately during that time they had to move me from my very nice, quiet, comfortable private room, with my own washroom, sink and chairs, to a crowded ward with little room and women who shouted things all night long. For me this was very upsetting, it was already an emotional time, but I had just gotten settled into this room and felt very comfortable with the privacy, and now I was being thrown into a chaotic ward with no little space to call my own, and no privacy or quiet to collect my thoughts, and on top of everything I was trying to find a way to deal with the death of our loved one the night before. I was very unhappy with the change and began to cry. I called my husband and he comforted me, but after I hung up with him I quietly made my way to a dark empty waiting room and cried for some time alone. When I was able to stop crying, I returned to my room and tried to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. I got little sleep that night and paced the halls for two hours the next morning until my family arrived. The nurse arrived promptly to take me away and there were some tears from me as I kissed my loved ones and headed off into surgery. My husband followed me and stayed with me as long as he could and then it was time. They put the IV into my arm and sometime after 7:30 a.m. on November 23rd, I gave my father my left kidney. I woke up in recovery moaning with pain and the nurses rushed over and pumped me with drugs. Shortly after that I woke again and the process was repeated. They then wheeled me back down to my ward and were not very careful with the bumps and it was excruciating. The rest of the day was a blur for me I was very in and out of it. I remember my family being there and I remember talking to them but I don't remember much about what I said. I remember falling asleep that night shortly after everyone left and waking up in the night to shouting. I got very little sleep that night, due to the shouting and constant paging for nurses by the other patients. That morning the nurses had me sit up and move to a chair for my breakfast, this was very painful and nauseating. I tried to fight them on it but they insisted I had to get up, and I am thankful they did or I fear I may still be laying on that bed!! That was my biggest hurdle and after that things got better and better. Each time I got up was easier and I felt better and it wasn't long before I was able to get in and out of bed on my own and make it to the washroom on my own. I began walking to my father's room to visit him and shortly after that, on Saturday November 25th, I got to go home. Dad will be coming home tomorrow and he is doing great. We both are. I am still stiff and sore, but I feel really good, and each day is better than the one before. I know there is some negativity in this post, but rest assured it is all in reference to the way I was treated regarding my room, and pain, and not the way I feel about donating my kidney. With any surgery there is pain and for that you must be prepared. This was my first major surgery and I really didn't know what to expect as far as pain. With the room, they needed the bed for a man who came in and all the men's wards were full, the only available bed was in a woman's ward and so I had to be moved to make room. I understand that it was necessary but at the time it was very difficult for me to handle. Having said that, I would do it again in a second I assure you. Most of the nurses were incredible, some were not and that is unfortunate but it happens. The experience overall was amazing and seeing dad doing so well is wonderful. The kidney began working right away, his creatnine is dropping steadily and soon he will have his life back. I am feeling better each day and today actually walked to the mail box. A walk that normally takes me 3 minutes there and back, took me about 20 today but it was great to get outside. It feels amazing to be home again and I find that with the comfort of being home comes more and more progress each day. I can feel myself coming along and that is a great feeling. I would encourage anyone thinking of donating an organ to do it! The best advice, be informed and do your best to be prepared for everything, knowing that will make the experience all the better. I am happy with how everything went and looking back I know that I would do it all again without a second thought. God Bless, and I will keep posting mine and dad's progress. :)

2 Days to go.....

Tomorrow I will be heading in to the hospital for 1:00 and then my surgery takes place at 7:30 a.m. next morning. This will be my last entry until Post Op so I thought I would take a few minutes to express my thoughts and feelings on my last day at home before surgery. First of all let me say that I feel a bit stressed out about my short term benefits and getting that all sorted out, especially since the forms can't be signed until the day of surgery and they are saying 4-6 weeks but will not say 4 or 6 weeks which makes it hard to plan for. I can't tell you how frustrating that is I wish they would just say 6 weeks, then if I am ready in four I can always go back early but if they say 4 and I need 6 I have to resubmit everything which makes me want to rip out my hair. Having said that, everything else is good. I am not nervous today I am calm and excited all at once, I am happy that the time has arrived and that it will be all over soon. I know lots of people are thinking of us and that makes me feel good but I hope they are not too worried because I hate being the cause of people's worry. I know that it will be hard to leave my husband tomorrow, that will be the hardest part of everything, but knowing he will be back in the morning bright and early makes me feel better. This has been an amazing journey for me so far and I have met so many incredible people along the way. The other living donors on the message boards continue to amaze me with their kindness and concern for each other. We all have a common bond and it's so helpful being able to share that with one another. Our fears, our questions, hopes and concerns. It's a great comfort and it really has been a lifeline for me. Anyone thinking of donating or who has decided to donate should definitely utilize these resources because it really does make all the difference, and I know even when it's over I will continue to keep in touch and log on to the message boards, it's been just wonderful. There really has been so much on my mind with the short term and the surgery, I feel like I need to sit back take a deep breath and just let things happen as they will. There are things we can't do anything about and it makes life so much easier when we realize that and we just let things happen as they may. That's what I am going to do with my short term stuff, just let things run their course and deal with it as it comes. Even just saying that makes me feel better. One thing at a time I guess. I slept quite well last night, much better than the two previous, it's strange how your mind works, I was quite nervous the past two nights but then last night and today I feel really good, it's such a range of emotions and for anyone who is going through this, yes the tears are normal! They will come at strange times and you won't understand it but it is normal and it may happen several times before the big day. It is definitely an emotional time, because you are happy that you are helping to change someones life, nervous about both of your outcomes and sad to be losing a little part of yourself that has been with you for so long. There's no way to pinpoint just one emotion to describe how you feel through this process, it is definitely a mix. I do however, feel strong and confident and I know that God will be with us and guiding us through this operation. It is all in his hands now, we have done all we can and now we just have to have faith that everything will work out.
So, I will say farewell for now as I will not be able to post for several days, but I will be posting as soon as I can. It's a little bit hard to say goodbye even though it is only for a few days, because this blog and the message boards have been such a source of strength for me. But it is in looking forward that I say farewell for now, and I will be back posting in no time :) Thanks to anyone and everyone who has read my blog and I hope it will be helpful to anyone else who is thinking of, or is already going through this process.

Until next time :)

4 Days and counting........

I didn't sleep much last night, anxiety won me over and I ended up getting up and going upstairs very early so as not to wake my husband. I am getting nervous about this surgery and I can't help it. So many different thoughts are filling my head but even amongst all the anxiety, I am still excited for it. I know my father is nervous and that makes me feel like I need to be strong for both of us. I did start packing my hospital bag yesterday, perhaps that is what began these feelings. I have no doubts about what I am doing but it is after all major surgery and I know that there are no guarantees. But I am going to remain positive, read some of my book on preparing for surgery and listen to my mp3. I know that staying positive helps me to stay calm and right now its very early in the morning and I am not really thinking straight. I do have faith in God that everything will work out the way it is meant to and that is a comfort knowing he is there and he is watching over us. After all, God has led me down this path, it is his will that I help my father and I am blessed that I am able to help him. God will take care of us. I can't believe it's only 4 days away. It seems like yesterday they told me the surgery date and now here we are 4 days and counting to my dad having a better life. I will continue my prayers for I know God is listening and I will continue to lean on my faith for comfort. God hears our prayers and he understands. I will go do some reading now and I know that will help me to relax. 4 Days to go !!!

6 Days to go

Today was my last day of work before the surgery and leaving was much harder than I anticipated. I started to cry, shortly before leaving and continued to cry all the way home and for sometime after that. It was surprising to me but given the roller coaster you go through in this process, it's quite a normal thing to happen. Yesterday marked 1 week until my surgery, today there are 6 days to go. I spoke with the transplant coordinator yesterday and found out I don't have to be "cleaned out" the night before, like so many other people have told me they have to be. I guess the procedures are different at each different hospital, but I am happy about it for sure! I am still feeling great about everything, no worries as of right now. I can't believe that there are only 6 days to go, the time has gone by so fast and this time next week it will all be over and we will be recovering, that's an amazing feeling. I just know that my kidney will kick right into gear for my dad and there will be no complications. I have faith in that. I always knew I would be the one to donate my kidney to him and all through this process things have just fallen into place. When something is meant to be, the rest just takes care of itself. I know that my dad is getting anxious and nervous, he worries that his past and current health problems with complicate things, heart disease and diabetes. But I told him, the cardiologist was confident and said his heart is strong and if he can make it through a quadruple bypass without his diabetes complicating anything, then he can do this too! I know he is going to be fine, as will I. We both have a lot of people in our corner and that makes all the difference. Having the love and support of your family and friends gives you the strength and emotional blanket you need to get through this thing, both of you. All of our family and friends are rooting for us and praying for us and that's all we need (and excellent surgeons of course :) But I know with all that love and with God's love, we are good. I have yet to pack my bag, I keep putting it off as there always seems like there is something else to be done first and that can wait another couple of days, but I really will need to get it done this weekend. No excuses. The message boards continue to provide a constant source of comfort and knowledge. There is no better resource than someone who is going through, or who has gone through what you are going through. For anyone who is reading this and is going to be or thinking of becoming a potential donor, the two best sites for chatting I have found are http://www.livingdonorsonline.org/cgi-bin/dcforum/dcboard.cgi (be sure to sign up and become a member) and http://www.kidney.org/fusetalk/forum/index.cfm?forumid=6 There are also some great stories you can read about other people's experiences at http://www.kidney.org/transplantation/livingDonors/shareStories.cfm and http://www.livingdonorsonline.org/experiences/experiences.htm I have found all of these to be invaluable in providing me with information and support. The other piece of advice I have is never to be afraid to ask your Transplant Coordinator anything. No matter how silly it seems, that is why they are there and if it will put your mind at ease, it is worth it. My transplant coordinator even said to me that I have some of the strangest questions she has ever heard, but she still answers them. The better informed you are, the better off you are. I have learned that throughout this process. Well, 6 days and counting, bring it on! Just an add on, I had my meeting today with the HR group regarding my short term and things seem to have went okay. I have a bunch of forms for my surgeon to fill out and then I have to fax them back but I think things will work out great!

8 Days to go....

Well, there are 8 days left until my surgery and only 3 work days left. I have done much thinking over the past while and a few things continue to weigh on my mind. The concern is, while my place of employment has been very cooperative, I do not meet with the HR group until Thursday to get my Short Term process started, thursday is only 6 days away from my surgery and I feel very rushed with that but they insist it is plenty of time, I have my doubts. I am worried that my paperwork won't kick in in time and I won't have enough money for Christmas, if that is the case I will have to lean on some family memebers, which I would rather not do, but we'll have to see how things go. Other than that I am feeling really good. I am calm and relaxed about the surgery. I am getting things organized, I have made a list of phone numbers and tonight I will begin packing my bag for the hospital. I continue to write in my journal and would encourage anyone going through this to do the same. God has been good by blessing me with a kidney that I can give to my father and I am very grateful for that. My friends and co workers have been so supportive and I feel like I have a great support system to help me through this.

Today is remembrance day

I have spent much of the day in thought of our veterans. Strange also that it is the 11th day of the 11th month and I have 11 days until my surgery. I just found out my sister-in-law will be coming to the hospital on the day of the surgery which means a lot. I am glad my husband will have that support. His parents are in another province so it is very comforting to know his sister will be there to be by his side when I can not. I have been reading the book I mentioned on preparing for surgery and it has been very helpful. I have some relaxing music I listen to whenever I am starting to feel anxious and as the book recommends, I take that time to think back to a happy moment in my life, my honeymoon actually. My husband and I on the beach walking and watching the sand pipers. Even though our dogs were not there, I sometimes picture them there with us. It's very calming and I know it will be helpful througout this process. I am learning to turn my anxiety into calming thoughts and images and it is very theraputic. Everyone is so nervous and they all keep asking me if I am nervous but I am doing okay. On monday it will be just 9 days away, the single digits means we are getting very close. Now that the tests are over, it's just the waiting which is difficult because you can create a lot of stress for yourself in that time. But as I said my book is helping a lot with that and I have faith that everything will be fine. My sister in law was kind enough to lend me many pairs of loose fitting sweat pants since I don't own a single one and it is highly recommended you have loose fitting comfortable pants to wear for after the surgery. I have to pack my bag soon and knowing that, I know just how close the surgery is getting. It will be here before I know it and soon it will be finished and we will be healing and hopefully my dad can get back to something of a normal life. If I can give him just that bit of happiness, that his life might feel normal again, that would make it all worthwhile just for him to have that once again. It seems like it's been so long since he's had something close to normal, so long.

I guess I should start from the beginning.

My name is Amanda, and I am 26. Over the past year and a half, to two years my father has had two heart attacks, an emergency quadruple bypass surgery (which they didn't think he would make it through) and kidney failure. His first heart attack was the worst. He went into the hospital at about 6 a.m. and we waited all day to hear something solid. Minutes felt like hours, and hours like days. The tears were constant. My step mother went to them to find out what was going on and they gave us the heartbreaking news, they said that he had two options, he could be medicated to alleviate his pain, and most likely wouldn't leave the hospital and would pass away, or they could go in and do a quadruple bypass surgery but that he probably wouldn't make it through and that the dye test they would have to conduct could destroy his already frail kidneys. The choice was his, and thank God he chose to do the surgery. He was scared he would never see us again, and we were afraid of the same. 4 or 5 unbelievably long hours later the surgeon came into the waiting room, we were all on edge and more terrifed than I could ever begin to try and explain. The surgeon had good news, he came out of the surgery much better than they had expected, we were all so relieved and happy, but of course he wasn't out of the woods yet, it would be a long road to recovery, he said. So then we waited for him to wake. We visited him constantly, I sang to him as he lay there covered in tubes and pumped full of morphine, everyday praying God would see him through this. The doctors kept saying, cross each bridge as you get there. Each time they could unhook one of his machines was a triumph, but two of the biggest hurdles were the day they woke him up, he could finally see us now, and then the day they removed his breathing tube, finally he could speak to us. It was a very difficult time, but we all came through it and when he was finally able to come home, we started to move on with our lives. Then shortly after that he had another heart attack caused by a blood clot. It was a complete fluke they said, nothing he had done had caused it, it just happened. This was not even close to as bad as the last one, but the day after they sent him home, he became weak and began vomitting and couldn't even get to the bathroom on his own, shortly after this we knew his kidneys were going. Up until this point they hadn't been in great shape, he had some swelling, but the kidneys had been holding their own, now he was headed for dialysis. He has diabetes, which is mostly to blame for his kidney problems. Watching someone you love get wheeled away in a bed and not knowing if you will ever see them again is the most terrifying thing I have ever gone through and it really opens your eyes. When I found out my father was going on dialysis I volunteered my kidney. At first he refused, but after talking with his specialists, he agreed to let me get tested. My stepmother got tested also but was not a match, several of his siblings offered, but they all had various health problems that would keep them from ever even being tested. I had done much research on the subject and felt I was fully prepared for what was to come. After getting the initial blood test and finding out I was a match (YAY!) I then began a series of tests, which I must say were not as difficult as I had imagined. I had, of course, the wonderful 48 hour urine test which we all love so much (for those of you unfamiliar with this, you have to collect your urine in two large jugs over a 48 hour period) , and more blood tests than I can remember, the psychological tests, endocronologist, cardiograms, x-rays, the first of two renal scans where a harmless dye was injected and the most nervewracking test for me which was the final renal scan where they inject a rarely, but possibly fatal dye which scared the buggers out of me, but went fine. I have summed all of that up pretty quickly, but in reality it took about a year to get through all that testing and each time waiting for the results was brutal! Anyway, after a long long process, we finally had the final word. We were good to go! Much to our suprise, the final test was shortly after my wedding in August and the surgery was booked for November 23, 2006. Well, I was aprehensive about having this done before the holidays, but knowing how much my father needed it meant everything so it was scheduled.
I have been counting down the days since we found out "the date" today is November 10 we have 12 days until the surgery. I have been keeping a journal for me to write in which I have found very helpful and today I am going to get the "Prepare for surgery, heal faster" book that was recommended to me by some other donors. I am nervous, but more excited than anything. I can' t wait for Dad to be able to have a life that doesn't include 3 days a week of dialysis. He has had his hospital bag packed for about a month now. I have been excercising (running) everyday to keep in shape and increase my chances for a speedy recovery and I am pretty positive about the whole thing. I just hope neither of us gets sick before the surgery and it has to be delayed. With arranging short term, and all of that, not to mention how badly my father needs this, I would hate to have to have it rescheduled. I have so much support from all my friends, and family and truly do not know how I would do this without each and every one of them by my side. My husband is wonderful and has stood by me through this and his parents have been amazing as well. I feel almost like I have a scratchy throat but am not sure if that is my paranoia, or something else. So I have been taking vitamin c to help ward off any sickness, and keep praying that I will be okay to do this.
As I said I just got married in August to my soul mate. He is my life, and I am so blessed to have found him. He is so loving and supportive, and he makes me laugh, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Our wedding was something I will always treasure and I will never forget how it felt to stand up in front of the people we love and in front of God and pledge our love and life together. He gives me strength and love and I would have nothing without him. My father walked me down the ailse and gave me away, and danced with me at my reception. Life has been good to me and I just hope that this gift I am giving my dad will give him the kind of life he dreams of.
I had my birthday in October, just turned 26 and it was wonderful. My family and friends were wonderful to me. I am so happy that I have all of these wonderful thoughts and memories to take with me into this surgery and I know everything will turn out the way it was meant to. It's in God's hands now, and he will take care of us.
Picture at the top of the page is Me and Dad dancing at my wedding
Below - Me and my wonderful husband at our wedding and on our honeymoon



Well, I think thats all for now.